Fix Me
by petite etoile22
Summary: Ros is broken and Ruth is in love. How can the team deal with 2 pregnancies when one doesn't want it acknowledged? DON'T OWN SPOOKS WARNING: swearing and scenes of a distressing nature.
1. Sunshine and rain

Ruth's eyes fluttered awake as she felt the sunlight on her face and Harry's embrace around her waist. She smiled gently at him. This was what made life worth it all. This was what allowed her to go into work and survive all the trauma. Harry returned the smile.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Oh nothing … Just how perfect our life is" she sighed.

"It'll be even more perfect soon" he chuckled softly.

"Do you think we're ready? I mean…Wes…"

"You're not Fiona. You're Ruth. I would never let that happen"

She smiled again and Harry felt the room light up.

"So we're going to have a baby then?"

"Yes, we're going to have a baby" Ruth confirmed.

The joyful mood continued when Harry surprised her with breakfast in bed 30 minutes later. When she saw the wooden tray filled with orange juice, tea, French toast, croissants, and various jams, she couldn't help but smile again. She wondered to herself what life would have been like if she hadn't accepted that second date. It was in that moment that Ruth understood the phrase, ignorance is bliss. Harry captured her sigh with a kiss. She wriggled out of his embrace and wondered over to the wardrobe. "We have to get ready…" she laughed when Harry pulled her back towards him.

**SPOOKS**

Ros' eyelids fluttered open as the harsh sunlight pierced her eyes. She propped herself onto her elbow as best she could and took a quick look down at the torn sheets. She knew what had happened and right now, she didn't want to think about it. Ros had a talent for not dwelling on the past. One which meant that she had successfully avoided Tring throughout her service. Ros clenched her teeth and turned her head. She felt a sense of relief when she saw her bag and phone, he had not taken it. She fumbled painfully for it and dialled a cab. And that was how she sitting on her own cold sofa, cradling a cup of tea. She laughed bitterly. A cup of tea. So British, so useless. Ros headed into her bedroom and pulled some random clothes from her wardrobe. Ros looked at her reflection and didn't recognise the woman staring back. The woman who was hurt, the woman who was bruised, the woman who was broken, the woman who was no longer the strong formidable Rosalind Meyers. Harry had already assembled his team in the briefing room and Ros' absence did not go unmissed.

"Where is she?" he barked. The team shook their heads, acknowledging their ignorance.

"As soon as she gets here, my office" he ordered. It was unnecessary as the door swung open, revealing Ros in all her glory. She wore long black trousers which hung just above the floor, instead of her usual dress shirt she had opted for a loose turtle neck sweater, she still had her coat on and her hands were covered with black leather gloves. The finishing touch was the dark Chanel sunglasses that covered her eyes. Ros gave a nod and headed towards his office. Harry launched into a tirade, which could've made the strongest man whimper.

"Wh-" Harry continued but Ros cut him short.

"I'm sorry. I apologise, just tell me what to do" Ros hadn't meant for such gravity, but right now she needed someone to tell her what to do.

"Paperwork, lots and lots of paperwork. It should take you a couple of days to do and I want you to think of nothing else until it's done. That's an order"

"Fine" Ros nodded, she had already obeyed his orders and forgotten about all her troubles. After all, they wouldn't help her get the paperwork done.

However good she was at avoiding things, this was something she couldn't hide. She could feel the tears burning the back of her eyes and the pain gnaw at her flesh. She looked at the clock on her immaculate desk. It was 8 O'clock. Ros sighed and wandered over to Harry's office, pushing the glass door open. It revealed nothing; Harry had gone home with Ruth. There was nothing to stop her from remembering now and she ran from the grid, hoping that no traces of her tears were captured on the CCTV. It had begun to rain heavily and Ros knew there was a storm brewing. She limped wearily along the embankment, crossing bridges at random intervals. There was no purpose to her journey, except to try and wash what happened from her memory. Ros dived into her coat pocket and pulled out the small vial she had found that morning. She twirled it aimlessly from hand to hand until she came to London Bridge. She must've been walking for at least an hour and her feet were ripped to shreds but Ros didn't care about that anymore, she had reached her destination. She leant heavily on the railings and began to rock back and forth. Ros must have been in this state for about 20 minutes before she lunged forwards ready to jump. It occurred to her in her final minutes that she hadn't really contributed anything good to this world, she had left no mark, nothing for them to remember her by. Perhaps it was better this way, to die unknown and be forgotten. They would know of course, they would put two and two together when she didn't turn up for work and a blonde female body washed up on the Thames. One of them would have to identify her; she hoped it wasn't Malcolm, Harry would be much better at the task. And when it came down to it, they would understand. They would shred her file and bury her in hillside graveyard. She used to love them when she was little, something about a sense of those long gone looking after and protecting you. After all, she'd done that most of her life, why should she stop now? She was about to make the final lunge to jump when she felt a hand grip her wrist tightly and pull her away from edge. "Oh Rosalind…" It was Juliet. She gently guided Ros into the car and whispered some instructions to the driver. Ros sat there silent, giant tears spilling down her bruised cheekbones. The car slowed to a stop outside a police station.

"Here we are" Juliet said softly. Ros looked out the window.

"I…" her voice faltered at the first syllable.

"Yes, you can. You can't let him get away with it."

"How did you know?"

"I didn't really. I just caught sight of your face on the bridge. I've seen it before, it's extremely rare, but sometimes honeytraps go wrong… and that's the face that emerges."

"It's too personal, too rooted in family"

"That is no excuse for what happened"

"If I hadn't…" her voice trailed off. There were far too many what ifs for that phrase.

" Hadn't what? Meyers, you cannot blame yourself. No matter what your past actions were or what his name is. He has to be punished. I'll wait here, I'll be here when you come out."

"Really?" there was not a trace of sarcasm in her voice.

"Yes. I promise" Juliet said sombrely. Ros went inside and emerged a few hours later, the whole ordeal recorded for the world to see. She even handed in the vial, for they said that there was a possibility that she had been sedated afterwards to give the perpetrator some time to organise himself. Juliet woke up from her light slumber when she heard Ros open the car door.

"What happened?"

"Can you take me home?" Ros sounded exhausted. Her bruises had now formed properly and her body ached all over.

"You're staying with me"

"Really…"

"You're staying with me" Juliet stated in a tone of finality.

"Just for tonight"

"Until you've gotten through this. You may think you can, but no one can fully cope with this alone. You could end up in Tring… did you take…"

"No"

"You should"

"Just drop it" Ros sighed. Juliet changed the subject.

"You do realise you're going to have to tell Harry"

"Why?"

"Because he's your boss. And believe it or not he cares about you and the rest of the team"

"He's dealt with so much from me. I don't want to burden him with this."

"Ros…"

"Two weeks, I'll tell him in two weeks. I-I just need time okay? Just give me some time"


	2. Honeytrap

**The speech in italics are in french...Please read and review!!!**

Ros wearily opened her eyes and was slightly surprised to find herself in a different room, then she realised where she was. She looked around the vast guest room and took in her present surroundings. The bed in which she lay was huge and draped in soft cotton sheets, in the far left corner there was a large desk with a computer and writing equipment laid out, to her right there seem to be an en suite bathroom and a 'small' walk in wardrobe. Ros gingerly got out of the bed and eased herself over to the closet. She pulled open the door and looked inside to find all her clothes neatly arranged. She pulled some out and threw them on the bed. Then, she went into the bathroom and drew herself a long bath. An hour later she emerged, clean and refreshed. She pulled on her clothes, trudged down the stairs and flopped down on to the sofa, giving a small yawn. Juliet entered and was surprised to see her up already; Ros was wearing a baggy hooded top, loose jeans and a pair of electric blue sneakers. Juliet had never seen her dressed so casual, even on training weekends.

"How are you this morning?"

"I'm fine" her voice contradicted her statement.

"Have you…"

"No"

"It's Saturday, are you going into work"

"Only if they red flash me"

"Mmm…Tea or Coffee?"

"…Do you have any Hot Chocolate?"

"Yes, I'll make some now…would you like anything else?"

"I'm fine"

"I'll get you some toast" Juliet came back moments later, food in her hands and set in down in front of her.

"Thankyou…Do you mind if I go and get some new clothes? I didn't want to say before; my old ones are…" her voice trailed off.

"It's fine. We'll do that this afternoon." Ros phone began to beep.

"I've been called in. I have to go"

"Will you be alright?"

"…I'll see if I can meet you later" Ros said, changing the subject.

"Ros…I'll drive you in."

Ros stepped out of the car and headed towards the grid. The ride there had been swamped in intolerable silence and Ros was glad of the cool, fresh air. She pulled the hood over her head and breezed through the pod, ignoring the stares. It was Saturday, a girl could dress however she pleased couldn't she? She took her seat in the briefing room, wincing slightly at the dull pain in her abdomen.

"So, why have you dragged us all here?" she asked in her best attempt at wry.

"To save London. What else?"

"Apparently, we have a Mr. John Beevor who wishes to corrupt the entire NHS system…" Adam began.

"If successful, he'll manage to impose his own software sale to the government, costing them, and earning him millions" Ruth finished.

"So what do we do?"

"Two of you will lure him into one of our safe houses where we can detain him whilst searching all his technology for any malicious content" Harry stated.

"Lure? What do you mean lure?" Ros tried to keep the panic from her voice and was mildly successful.

"You and Jo will go down to the club he frequents…" Harry's voice trailed off as the blood began to pound in her ears. She should've phoned in sick; she should've told Harry as soon as she could, anything to stop this from happening. She wanted to burst out and tell Harry everything, but she couldn't, that would be unprofessional. Instead she quelled her tears. Harry led the two women into his office for further discussion.

"So you know what to do right? Ruth is creating your legends as we speak; you'll be sisters, Grace and Nicole Edwards. Ros will be the quieter, more reserved one. In other words, Grace. That way we have added security"

"How?" Jo asked.

"Well, if anything goes wrong, Ros can show her stronger side and he won't be expecting it."

"Right…"Ros mused trying to ignore the awful feeling in her gut. _This was too soon, this was definitely too soon._

"Anything you want to say Ros? If you want, you can do paperwork."

"Harry, just give us the damn address and a couple of 100 quid for clothes"

"Clothes?"

"£500. Clothes" Harry signed for the withdrawal after seeing the look on her face, "And we get to keep them."

"Fine. Just see Malcolm before you go in" he sighed.

Ros stood tapping her foot impatiently outside Jo's changing room cubicle. It had been about an hour since they had entered Topshop and Jo still hadn't picked her 'perfect' outfit. She was glad that they had decided to sort out hers first. After a long time and several deep breaths, Ros had opted for a navy knee length skirt, a small cream cardigan, a red neck scarf, and killer red stiletto peep toes. Finally, Jo emerged from the cubicle wearing patent blue wedges, black skinny jeans and pale blue halterneck. She looked stunning and Ros prayed this was the one Jo had chosen, the girl's smile told her that she was correct.

"How much?"

"£145. How much did yours cost?"

"£210. Unfortunately, I can't bear to shop in this place…we need to get some glasses"

"You wear them?"

"Why are you so surprised? They're weak, just to stop me getting migraines from time to time. I need new frames, something more…reserved," she said, waving her metallic pink frames.

"Can I choose?" Jo sounded vaguely excited.

"How old are you Joanna?"

"Fine…I just…"

"Of course you can choose. Just make sure they match the outfit, and don't go over £100, so nothing designer. I'll meet you in Garfunkel's okay?" Jo scurried off with glee and Ros delved through the bags trying to find her ringing phone.

"Juliet?"

"What the hell is going on?"

"Juliet…"

"A honeytrap!"

"It'll be fine, we're under constant supervision…I'll be fine."

"I sent some buyers out for new clothes, they'll be here when you get back. By the way have you told Harry? It's been a week already."

"Thankyou, and don't worry, I will" she hung up, "Just not yet…"

Jo shivered as the cool evening breeze brushed her neck. She glanced over at Ros, who was staring straight ahead listening to Malcolm and Adam's instructions. There was something different about her, she noted. This past week Ros had become subdued. It was ever so subtle but after spending the day out with her Jo knew that's what had happened. They rounded the corner and entered the bar in silence, finding a secluded spot in the corner. Jo took a sip of her cocktail and noted that Ros was only drinking an orange juice.

"What's with the OJ?"

"Well, _sis_. You know I'm not a big fan of drinking. Maybe I'll have a small _tipple_ later on Nicole."

"He's in, 11 o'clock. What should we do?" Jo murmured.

"Just sit tight, and start having some fun. Then approach the bar." Jo did as she was told and 3 placebo drinks later, she grooved her way over to the bar. John Beevor quickly followed. The music was pounding obscuring some of the dialogue.

"Hi I'm J-. And you are?"

"I'm Nicole Ed-, and that," she pointed over to Ros, "is my sis- Grace"

"You look as beautiful as your names. Mind if I join you?"

"No, of course not" Jo led him over to their table, dropping various details about their legends, John seemed highly intrigued by Ros'.

"So Grace, Nicole tells me you live in Paris. What it like?" He asked as he sat down. Ros pushed her blood red frames higher up her nose.

"Yes I do, and it's amazing. To wake up and catch sight of the Eiffel Tower is breathtaking. It also helps that it's my job."

"Ahh, publishing I hear"

"Yes, just a small firm in the centre of Paris. Nothing special but I love it all the same."

"So you speak French?" Ros nodded, "_So do I, only I hope my accent doesn't offend you"_

"_No, it's slightly…English, but overall your French is quite good. Did you study it at university?"_

"_No, when I was young I spent a couple of years in a French boarding school"_

"_Ahh, to gain some insight into the wonderful French culture I suppose"_

"_No, to get out of my parent's hair"_

"_One broken vase too many?" _Ros caught sight of a man entering the bar who looked extremely similar. "Who's that?"

"That would be my brother John. I'm Jeremy by the way" Ros ignored the look of panic that flitted over Jo's face.

"Maybe you should call him over, I think my sister getting bored of our small talk"

"John!" Jeremy called out, "I'm over here" The women smiled as their target approached them. The conversation continued on, John intently focussed on Jo in their discussion on various Art and literary works.

"Grace, I don't feel so good" Jo mumbled. Ros gave a concerned look and moved herself closer to Jo, the look in her eyes told Ros to play along.

"What's wrong? How much have you drunk?"

"Only a couple, and that cocktail some man…" her voice trailed off into a mellow stupor.

"She's had her drink spiked" Ros sighed, "Can you give me a hand taking her home? It's that…"

"No that's no problem at all is it John?" Jeremy replied, helping Ros get Jo to her feet.

"No, not at all. I'll drive, What's your address?"

"I'm staying at a flat owned by the firm. Here" Ros handed him the address of the safehouse.

Two hours later, when Jeremy went out to get some food for the girls, the team swooped in and detained John. They had not only found the virus they were looking for, but various other malicious programs intended for use on high profile public databases. Jeremy returned to see his brother being carted away in a police car.

"what's going on"

"MI-5 were monitoring your brother. Apparently, he had viruses he wanted to unleash on public databases."

"…I really don't know him do I?"

"It's not your fault. Sometimes the people you trust do the most unexpected and hurtful things"

"How's your sister?"

"She's doing better. Her boyfriend came and took her home"

"I had a good time tonight, can we do this again? Not anything special……but it would just be nice to have a friend…"

"With similar interests?"

"Yes! So… what do you say?"

"One can never have too many friends…but with the problems your brother will face…_some other time, some other place…_"

"Yes, some other time, some other place. It was a pleasure spending a few precious moments of my existence with you" 

"_Likewise Jeremy, likewise"_


	3. Unfixable

The Grid was quiet at this time in the evening, Ros noted as she entered through the pods. She was wearing a new outfit that Juliet had picked and she was grateful for the older woman's sensitivity. It was mellow, yet still managed to retain its femininity. Ruth had announced her pregnancy yesterday, and although Ros had promised Juliet she would tell Harry within two weeks, she had managed to hold out until 3 before Juliet threatened to drag her into Harry's office. It hadn't helped her nerves either that she had gotten news from the Police station saying that they had found her perpetrator and he had pleaded not guilty. The trial was in two weeks. Ros stood outside his office door for several moments before she knocked on his door. She prayed he wouldn't be in but the shuffling that ensued told her likewise. Juliet had sorted out her temporary transfer to desk officer; all she had to do was tell Harry.

"Come in" Harry gave a small smile when he saw Ros entered. Harry had seen how destructive the young woman's relationship was with her father and when he had been convicted, Harry tried from time to time to play an avuncular role in her life, teaching her the basic set of mores that her father never had.

"Congratulations on your news. You must be very pleased." Harry noticed her wringing her hands and indicated for her to sit down on the sofa.

"What's wrong Rosalind?"

"Oh nothing. I just asked for a temporary transfer to desk officer."

"Are you still concerned about the Thames Barrier Op?"

"No, not at all! You made a good call Harry. I just need some time to sort things out in my head…" her voice wavered slightly.

"I know how you love the field. Would you like Tring-"

"No. Harry, I just…" Ros looked close to tears and Harry was concerned. He had never seen her flinch, let alone cry.

"Ros, tell me what's wrong"

"Harry, it's nothing. I really don't want to bother you," the tears in her eyes told him something else.

"Rosalind…"

"Harry…" her tears were now flowing freely down her cheeks.

"What's happened? And don't tell me it's nothing Rosalind"

"I-I-I'm pregnant" she stuttered through her tears, "But that's…nothing…didn't want to take…the morning after pill" Harry nodded gently.

"So what is the problem?" he inquired softly.

"It's too…"

"Rosalind, just tell me. Tell me and I will try to fix it."

"It's too late…you can't"

"I'll try, but I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong"

"I've…I've been…" Ros couldn't bear to say the last word but the look of pain in her eyes told Harry everything he needed to know. He sat there in silence, taking in this horrific new information.

"By who?" he asked quietly, trying to keep his undertones of anger at bay.

"Robert, Robert Collingwood"

"Did you…?"

"Yes. Juliet took me"

"Juliet knows?"

"She found me on London Bridge. I was going to jump."

"Jump? Christ Ros you could've told me!"

"I'm sorry" tears welled again in Ros' eyes.

"No. I'm sorry. When?"

"The day I was late"

"Oh God, I laid into you aswell. I'm so sorry Rosalind."

"It's not your fault, it's…"

"No Ros. Don't you dare blame yourself; this will never be your fault. What did he say?"

"He pleaded not guilty. The trial starts in two weeks"

"Christ. How far gone are you?"

"About a month"

"Are you going to..?"

"No. Harry, please don't tell anyone else…I mean can…Ruth…but no one else"

"They'll find out soon Rosalind"

"I know but I'd rather be a vague resemblance of someone normal for a few more days" she broke down in tears, "I'll never be normal again will I? Oh Harry, you can't fix it this time can you? No one can fix this…"

"Oh Rosalind," Harry sighed as he drew the sobbing woman to his shoulder, "What has he done to you?" For once, Harry was lost as to what to do. He just couldn't understand the way life worked. He and Ruth were together, happily married and expecting their first child. Rosalind was alone, broken and a living embodiment of a train wreck. And she had been right, it wasn't an op. This was something the great Harry Pearce couldn't fix, and that fact killed him.

When Harry got back home, he looked shellshocked and Ruth could tell that he had been crying. His eyes held a hollow pain and he greeted her in soft tones. Ruth hoped that nothing would happen to her to evoke that reaction.

"Harry what's wrong?" she asked softly.

"Why, Ruth, why are there some problems in the world we can't fix?"

"I don't know, I find myself thinking the same thing"

"I've been in this job for years and I don't think I've ever seen a broken human being up close, defeated perhaps but never broken. I've seen wars, I've seen explosions, torture, death and destruction, but I've never seen such violation so close to home…"

"Harry, what's going on?"

"I'm sorry…Ruth how do you cope with someone you don't know how to fix. It isn't your duty but you somehow feel compelled to do it because you know they have no one else, you know that in some ways they were under your care…"

"Did someone in the team get hurt?" Ruth's eyes were fraught.

"Yes, and there was nothing we could do…they were alone and defenceless."

"Did something happen to Jo?" Ruth like the rest of the team, always kept an eye out for their youngest member.

"No," Harry sighed heavily " Not Jo. Ros…"

"My God, is she okay? What happened? How? I thought she wasn't on the field?"

"It didn't happen on the field…Ros was…" Harry realised now why she couldn't say those words but he knew he didn't have that right, he knew he had to say those words. Harry took a deep breath. "Ros was raped"

"Not Ros, it can't be Ros…" Ruth whispered softly.

"It is. That why she requested transfer, she's pregnant"

"Who…"

"Robert Collingwood"

"Oh God… where is she now?"

"At Juliet's. It was Juliet who found her, she was going to jump off a bridge." Ruth let out a soft moan of empathy.

"What happens now?"

"The bastard pleaded not guilty, the trial's in two weeks. But it won't change anything, it will just break her even more"

"What do you mean? Surely the trial will bring him to justice?"

"He's a Collingwood. He'll do a plea bargain if necessary; he'll never be punished for what he did to her… I'm just glad I have you here safe with me"

"So am I Harry, so am I" Harry drew her close to him, and took in her warm scent. He buried his head in her shoulders and wished that this cruel world his child would soon be a part of, would melt away.


	4. Experience

Everyone on the team was tense as they waited for news of Ros' trial. It was the final day and the verdict would soon be in. They prayed that things would be different this time; they prayed that Ros wouldn't be one of the many victims whose suffering went unnoticed. Malcolm had locked himself in the tech office, Jo had locked herself in the female cubicles, and Zaf, Adam and Ruth had shut themselves away in Harry office. When the phone rang, they all jumped but Ruth was the first to get to it. Her face remained stoic throughout the whole exchange; the two men could change nothing from her face. It was only when the receiver was replaced and the tears flowed freely, did the two men know what had happened.

"He got off didn't he?" Adam stated coolly.

"Nothing, not even assault! They saw the…they saw everything and they still said he was innocent! I'm sorry…hormones…" But the tears did not cease.

"It's okay Ruth. It's okay to be angry… where are they now?"

"They're on their way in"

"No, that's no good. Take them all to mine" He handed over the keys.

"Yeah, me and Adam have an errand to run, we'll be over later" Zaf said quietly. He had been silent all day and the team understood. To their surprise, the two spooks had developed quite a close friendship and had become a double act, especially when it had come to the mystery surrounding Ruth and Harry's relationship. The two men left the grid in silence and Adam said nothing to his friend as they got in the car and sped off. He followed close behind as Zaf strode up to a tall, dark haired man and punched him full on in his arrogant face.

"I think we need to talk about Ros don't you?"

"Wh-?"

"You don't talk to her, you don't look at her, you don't come 500 yards near her. You do and I kill you. And believe me, I have closer friends in higher places and they want you dead too. So here's what you're going to do: you're going to fuck off out of this country and not come back, 'cause if you do, I'll just have to send these to the press. It would look good would it, a suspected rapist with hardcore pornography depicting such violent acts. Put your case in a _whole _new light, don't think Adam?"

"Yeah" Adam sneered venomously, "And the whole double jeopardy thing is old news, you'd go down and you know it." They left Robert alone, dialling a number, obviously booking the first flight out to Timbuktu.

Ruth entered Adam's flat with Juliet, Harry followed close behind carrying an unconscious Ros. She had to be sedated after hearing the verdict. Her blonde hair had lost its lustre and had come out of its bun, framing the features of her grieving face. Her once impeccable make up was streaked with tearstains, and her forearms were red from where she had clawed at herself. Ros' breathing was shallow and even in her peaceful state; Harry could still see the tears slowly escaping from under her eyelids. Harry laid her down in Adam's bedroom and slowly closed the door behind him. When he returned to the living room, he found Zaf nursing a bruised knuckle.

"You didn't?"

"I had to, he was just looking so smarmy. How is she?"

"We're just waiting for the sedative to wear off"

"We got her something, we hope you don't mind" Zaf placed the gift box on the table. There was silence as they each pondered what exactly the word Justice meant in this world now. They defended it everyday but it had now become and abstract concept. Something that was talked about often but rarely seen. Ros emerged from the dark confines of Adam's room and walked gradually towards the group. She stopped short at the sight of the gift box. They indicated for her to open it. She did so and revealed a small leather bound book. It was a scrapbook, containing her life at the grid, there was the Christmas party, new year's, Harry and Ruth's engagement party, a victory picture of her and Zaf after Harry and Ruth had announced their relationship, there was even one of when a rather soggy her and Adam emerged from the barrier with tired smiles. The book fell open to the last page where a quote was written in bold black ink:

"_Remember the good times and not the bad,_

_Those of joy, not those that made you sad._

_Forget the hardships, yet celebrate the wins,_

_And look kindly upon those your former sins."_

Ros burst into tears and the group merely embraced her, each dealing with her grief in their own special way. It was hard but she would get through it. She would get through it because they would be there, she wouldn't be alone, not this time. Rosalind Meyers had displayed her Humanity in its most broken form. And a sentiment flowed through her friends' veins; it was now their responsibility to fish it out of its shell, clean it up, restore it to its former glory, and hand it over to their friend with that sad undertone of _experience_. The acceptance of the certain inalienable truth that sometimes Justice is merely an abstract concept, talked about but rarely seen. That the world spins madly on regardless of pain, and suffering, and loss, and all you can do is hold on and hope that your _experience_ was worth something, that you imparted knowledge, that your death won't be easy to forget, that you would've left something intangible behind, something that tells the world that you existed, that you lived, that you _were_.


	5. Needed

The moment was broken by Harry's ringing phone and Adam bursting through the door with Wes. Harry moved off into the corridor to continue his conversation. Adam led Wes upstairs hoping to distract him from the sobbing form that was Ros. Eventually Harry rejoined the group and he was not in the best of moods.

"We've been called in"

"Called in?" Adam had returned from upstairs, "Ros, do you mind looking after Wes for a bit?"

"Why?" she challenged them.

"Because you wouldn't be any use to us on the grid in your current state"

"Oh you really are a bunch of bastards" she spat, "If I hadn't told you, you wouldn't have known and you wouldn't have given a shit"

"But you did Rosalind" Juliet replied.

"So you're saying that in my _emotional _state I can't do paperwork but I can look after a child? Bullshit, it's utter bollocks and you know it!"

"Ros, it might help with…"

"With what Ruth? I got violated and knocked up; I did not have a craniotomy. I do not like children, children are not my thing"

"How do you know?"

"I just do! For Christ sake, my life is falling apart and you want me to baby-sit!"

"Well, Rosalind you have no choice. It's now an order"

"You have got to be kidding me…"

"I'm not," Harry instructed his team to leave and swiftly closed the door behind him.

The flat was deathly quiet apart from the low murmur of a playstation game coming from Wes' room. Ros massaged her temples, she was all over the place and she really didn't want to handle a kid right now. She didn't even know what she was going to do with her own child; she didn't know why she had decided to keep it in the first place. Ros went to the bathroom to freshen up, she gazed at the sleek black tiles, which covered the wall, and was horrified to see her reflection in each and every one of them. The bruises had long gone but the pain still remained as fresh as ever. She gently splashed her face with cold water to try and remove some of the mascara from her tear stained face. This was why she never cried, it was too awkward and it made her face look ugly. Ros took a deep breath and went back to the front room. She was startled to find Wes sitting on the sofa, doing nothing, just sitting there. In her space.

"What do you want?" her voice sounded harsh and the words hung in the air.

"I was wondering if we could play?"

"Fine. Whatever. I'll take you to the park, get your jacket"

"The playground?"

"No, the car park. Of course the playground" Wes didn't move. Ros gave an exasperated sigh. "What is wrong now?"

"Nothing, I just don't like the playground"

"What do you mean you don't like the playground?"

"I don't like it"

"Would you care to explain why?" Ros bit her lip in an attempt to suppress her frustration. In her mindset, it was taking all her willpower not to just drag him down to the park. Wes seemed to be lost in thought.

"Because my trousers are new and I don't want to rip them" he lied.

"New trousers? That's why you won't go off and play? My god Wes there are worse things in life than ripped trousers!" she snapped.

"I know" the passiveness of his voice drew her attention to him and she was faced with two big eyes wet with tears. And for the first time in ages, Ros stopped to feel. Not anger or frustration, but empathy. She was suddenly struck by the thought of her own child. How would she feel if her son or daughter came home to someone in floods of tears? She knew she'd want them to listen, to reassure them, to make them smile. Her heart thawed and her head reeled from the newfound pain and emotion. She crouched down to the little boy's level.

"Would you like to tell me what happened?" she asked gently.

"It's nothing"

"I can't help if you don't tell me" Ros remembered how Harry had said the exact same thing to her.

"Well… It's my friend James. We fell out and now he doesn't talk to me anymore. And today, he pushed me over and stole my Spiderman rubber"

"Did you tell a teacher?"

"No. I still want him to be my friend"

"If you tell someone, they can fix it"

"But what if it gets worse?" A tear slipped from the little boy's eye. Ros sat down and pulled him close to her.

"I promise you, these things pass. Talk to him, he might be feeling sad and just showing it in a different way"

"Like you?" he asked, looking up with big blue eyes.

"What do you mean like me?" Ros was taken aback.

"Daddy said that you were very sad and that's why you were crying. Did your friend hurt your feelings? Did he steal your rubber too? Are you still friends?" Wes bombarded Ros with Questions. She smiled broken-heartedly.

"No, we're not still friends"

"Why?"

"My friend was very naughty and hurt my feelings so much that we couldn't make up"

"Did you tell your daddy?"

"I don't really have a daddy Wes. He's a very busy man," Wes thought for a moment.

"Did you tell Uncle Harry? He's good. Did you tell him?"

"Yes, and Zaf told him off for being so naughty"

"But he didn't steal your rubber?"

"No," she laughed quietly "He didn't steal my rubber"

"And me and James will be friends again?"

"I promise you, everything will be okay" Ros couldn't tell if the promise was more to herself than Wes. "Wanna go park now?"

"Nah, can we play playstation instead?"

"Fine, but after dinner," Ros rummaged through the fridge freezer "Does Fish Fingers sound good?"

"Yummy!" Wes curled up on the sofa and set up the game while Ros prepared dinner. An hour later, they were whooping and cheering as they won race after race. Ros felt exhilarated and she almost felt capable of forgetting her whole ordeal. She checked her watch and saw that it read 7:30. Ros ushered Wes into the bathroom and told him to get ready for bed, she would be back to read to him after she had cleaned away the dishes. Ros found herself smiling as she loaded the dishwasher and her hand went to the small bump that was forming round her abdomen. Ros thought she had kept it because half of it was hers; she shook her head. "I was wrong, baby. You're mine, all mine," she whispered softly to the life growing inside her. Ros then crept into Wes' room and began to read the last chapter of his book.

"As for the Hellebore Cup, it was quietly forgotten and never contested again. The trophy sat on Andrew Carlton's mantelpiece, where it was used to hold golf balls. The End." Ros looked over to see that Wes was still awake but barely. She gently ruffled his hair.

"Can you stay with me for bit longer?"

"I'll stay until you fall asleep" she reassured him. Ros gently slipped under the covers and wrapped her arm around his head. Wes shuffled closer and Ros was baffled at how he could be so comfortable around a virtual stranger. She supposed that she was probably like that when she was a child. Before the realisation of how cruel the world was, back in a time where she was able to trust without a paralysing fear of being hurt or betrayed. Ros' ordeal had taken its toll on her body and she soon drifted off to sleep. The last thing she remembered before sleep took her was a tiny hand forcing its way into hers and squeezing it tightly. She thought to herself how nice it was to be needed and she gently squeezed back.


	6. Understanding

Ruth gave Ros a brief smile before heading towards Harry's office. Her and Harry had gone to her 6 month scan this morning, and had received the most excellent news. They were having a healthy little boy. Everyone on the grid was pleased for them, especially Ros. In fact, Ruth had blushed when Ros had apologised for drawing the attention away from her for a while. Ruth was puzzled. It wasn't as if it was Ros' fault, and she too was expecting a child. Although, Ros seemed to keep that information to herself, they didn't even know when her 3-month scan was. Ruth flopped onto the sofa and Harry joined her, unconsciously placing his hand on her rather large bump.

"I thought I gave you the day off"

"I thought I'd keep you company"

"Well, as long as you don't work yourself too hard. And don't distract other people…"

"Like Jo?"

"Yes, I never realised how excited that girl got over things"

"Remember at our wedding?"

"God, I thought we would have to sedate the girl!" They laughed, and Ruth gazed over to Ros' figure in the corner of the grid.

"Do you know when..?"

"No," Harry shook his head, "She hasn't told anyone, I don't think"

"Do you think she will?"

"I don't know. Did you know Adam has another date?"

"No, with that mystery woman?"

"Mmm, it appears Adam is making use of Ros' babysitting skills"

"So I take it Children are her thing?"

"Apparently her and Wes get on like a house on fire"

"I should go and let you work now" Ruth kissed him goodbye.

Ruth went straight to Ros' workstation and sat down. Ros wasn't going to ask for help but she was going to do it all the same. Intelligence was something Ruth loved to do and apparently Ros' paperwork was quite interesting.

"So what have you got there?"

"Files that need clearance for shredding" Or not.

"Oh, need any help?"

"Knock yourself out" they continued to work in silence of a while "So how did your scan go?"

"A baby boy" Ruth beamed while showing her the ultrasound.

"Lovely. I'm really pleased for you Ruth"

"How did yours go?" Ros blushed and Ruth felt a bit guilty.

"Fine."

"Can I see the scan?"

"Sorry, but I promised Wes that he'd be the first to see it"

"I take it he's pretty excited"

"Yeah, he wants to see yours too. But I told him to wait until you visited. Are you still coming to Juliet's tomorrow for dinner?"

"Of course. I still can't believe you moved in with her"

"It's strange but she's the closest thing to family I have, you all are…"

"Ros, have you talked to anyone about what happened?"

"You mean a shrink?"

"You were contemplating suicide…"

"No. The doctor suggested that I should, but I'm not sure."

"It might help, have you tried any other outlets, like writing it down?"

"Yes, when…yes" Ros' voice was no more that a whisper. It was obvious she found this subject uncomfortable and she was right to.

"Was it better? Maybe if you showed someone…"

"No!"

"If they can just try to understand what you went through, then they can help you get past it."

"I suppose you're right…"

"I tend to be from time to time"

"It's just all so…confusing"

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"You don't what he made me do…" she sounded far away, as if she was revisiting that awful part of her past.

"You could try…"

"No. You wouldn't understand"

"I could try…"

"You'll never understand, so just fucking leave me alone!" she snapped, and made to leave. Harry stepped out of his office at the outburst.

"Ros!" Ruth called after her.

"Rosalind, where are you going?"

"Fuck off Harry! I'm going home, can't a person go home anymore?!" tears were falling "I need some space and you all don't stop with your bloody questions! Please, just fuck off…"

"Rosalind…"

"Get the fuck out of my face!" she shrieked before swishing through the pods.

Ros had put up her barriers once more. This time, however, Ruth knew it was going to be harder to break them down. Ros was in a place none of them could ever imagine, nor would want to.

Ros couldn't help but smile as Wes bounded up to her, trying to search all her coat pockets for the ultrasound scan. Adam winked as he left, telling her to have a good time. She thought it was nice that he was dating properly again, better than that shagnanny…

"Where is it? Can I see it now? Please?"

"Here you go" she handed a copy of the scan to Wes and tried not to laugh at his bemused face.

"It's just a squiggle!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, but that squiggle will grow into someone like me and you"

"Wow…can I have a picture the next time you go?"

"Of course"

"I was wrong…" he cocked his head to one side "It looks more like a pea that a squiggle…"

"Well then, a pea it is. Come on, kiddo, let's get you into bed" she laughed as they headed towards the bathroom to brush his teeth. When Adam returned from his date, he looked happy, genuinely happy. He smiled at the sight of Ros asleep on the sofa; she seemed calm, at peace, but that moment didn't last for long. She began to thrash out, but for some reason she didn't scream, even though he expected her to, she didn't scream. He sat on the bed and waited for her to ride it out. It pained Adam to see her in such distress, but he knew that this was one part of the process she had to do by herself. He smiled again as she slowly opened her eyelids.

"You alright?"

"Yeah…it was just a bad dream…Good date?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah" he answered with a huge grin on his face. "Would you like to stay the night here?"

"No, I need some rest. Me and pea prefer our own bed"

"Pea?"

"It's what your son has christened my foetus, and it's a much better name than IT"

"I guess you're right there…I'll get Zaf to drop you off" he knew she didn't like travelling by herself anymore.

"Thanks, but you're alright. I'll get a black cab"

"Are you sure?"

"Honest. I'll be fine"

"Well, see you two tomorrow"

"Two?" she looked puzzled.

"You, and the Pea…You'll be fine Ros" he reassured her.

"I know, I know…" she left, holding her bump.


	7. That Night

It was 9:00, and Juliet, Harry and Ruth were gathered in their living room, staring at the envelope in front of them. The envelope which contained Ros' account of what happened that night, and amongst other things, doctor's descriptions of her sustained injuries. They had agreed to shred them once this night was done. An apprehensive air filled the room and the silence hung thick. None of them were quite sure if they were doing the right thing; Juliet had found Ros' account and pieced together this document without her knowledge, but deep down they knew it was what they had to do. They had to understand to be able to truly support the night terrors, the outbursts, and the self-isolation. Harry carefully tore the top of the envelope and Juliet began to softly read aloud what haunted their colleague in her dreams…

_Ros had had a funny feeling about this meeting the moment she had received the phonecall. The Meyers and the Collingwoods had distanced themselves since the fallout from the plot, particularly Ros. Her move to 5 hadn't gone down well with a few of her relatives but eventually they came round to her way of thinking. She happy now, she was no longer under her father's shadow of hopes and dreams for her, or rather, the son he never had. Ros walked into the restaurant and the feeling got considerably worse. She ignored it. Why should she feel responsible for her father's actions when he didn't? A part of her was glad that Harry had been unable to help, but she would never admit that to anyone. She approached the table where Robert was and sat down. She noticed how he never rose to greet her but thought nothing of it. Customs tended to be ignored between two families of such similar standing. They sat in silence while their meals arrived. Robert finally broke the silence, as it was in her nature not to._

"_So Rosalind, how is your father?"_

"_In prison." This was not a subject she wanted to discuss._

"_Do you visit?"_

"_No"_

"_Was it because he betrayed us all?"_

"_**Your**__ father betrayed us all Robert. It was __**he**__ that ordered the car bombs, __**he**__ that ordered the plane attack. __**He**__ went against a code that was put in place to save our two families from these situations"_

"_You came up with that all by yourself? Clever"_

"_You may be a decade older than me but you will never be allowed to talk to me in that tone again. I'm wiser than you'll ever be, my __**daddy**__ didn't allow me to be sheltered from the horrors of the world."_

"…_I'm sure he sheltered you from some but you're right… It's just all the history with our two families" he sighed. _

"_You must remember that we are not responsible for our father's actions" she set her cutlery down on the empty plate._

"_Again, you're right. Shall we go back to mine for a coffee? A chance to mend the bridges and all that"_

"_Of course" she rose from her seat, unaware of his intention to burn all the bridges that ever existed between them. The night air was cold and she was grateful for the little warmth the car provided. Finally, they reached his house. She looked up at the vast dark sky above her and shivered. She had never felt more alone in her life. Robert opened the front door and led her inside. He left her standing in the hallway as he went into the kitchen. She had assumed it was to put the coffee on. The bad feeling came to a head when he re-emerged holding a hypodermic needle. 'shit' Ros thought to herself as Robert moved forward. Her mind went blank, she panicked, and she was Rosalind Meyers the woman not the spook now, not the spook at all. She moved her hand to block him as he tried to pin her against the wall. It was no use; he merely sent his fist slamming into her face. Ros reeled from the pain; she had forgotten his strength. She tried again but he had a death grip on her arm, and he was pressed tight against her body._

"_You know what I hate about your family?" he hissed as he pulled the lid of the needle, "You always seem to come out on top"_

"_Please, I know…"_

"_Know what Rosalind? Right now you don't whether you're going to live or die" he slammed the needle into her abdomen and waited for her reaction. Ros said nothing. In her head she was counting down to death. 10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1… The darkness didn't come. She was confused until she tried to move away and found she couldn't. He had given her a paralytic. Robert laughed at the fear in her eyes._

"You forgot I was a doctor. Don't worry; I gave you the perfect dose. It'll wear off in a few hours. Just long enough for me to have my fun." He scooped her limp body up into her arms, "By the way, it does nothing for the pain threshold…you'll feel all the pain my father felt before he died"

_He carried her to his room and laid her down on the bed ceremoniously. It was obvious that he had been planning this for a long time. He was measured in his actions and he wanted to revel in her pain. He twisted her hair through his fingers and pulled until she thought her scalp would come free from her skull. A tear escaped from her eye. She felt his nails puncture her flesh and drag across, shivering as the warm blood trickled down her cold skin. Her shirt had now slid off her shoulders and hung loose around her elbows. She gave a low strangled cry of pain as he bit down her lip. She choked at the bitter taste of her own blood in her mouth._

"_Blame your father's cowardice for this…" he whispered sinisterly in her ear._

"_S'Not father…C-Colling…Coward…" she managed to stumble out before another strangled moan. She saw the anger flash in his eyes but she no longer cared. She simply did not care, because she knew it wasn't her fault. She knew that for this, she was not to blame. He yanked her up by the hair and dragged her across to the mirror, forcing her to look at her reflection. Ros was shocked at the image. It was inhuman. She was inhuman, her limbs were contorted and the only thing holding her up was Robert's death grip on her scalp. She resembled a mannequin being manipulated by a ventriloquist. There was a moment of silence before he flung her onto the bed. Her head imploded with pain as he drew his nails against her skin. Again and again, each time deeper than before. And then the pain ceased, Robert had stopped. Ros prayed that it was over now; she prayed that he would never cross that line. But when she felt his hand clamp down on her shoulder and flip her over, she knew they had failed her. He wanted her to scream but she didn't. She didn't scream once even though her nerves were raw and burning with pain, no sound left her mouth. Only when it was over and she was alone did she open her mouth. In that moment, she let out an ungodly cry. It was primal and raw and the most human thing Ros had ever done. Ros was crying for the friend she'd just lost, for the kind young man who never forgot her birthdays, who always had time for her when no one else had, and who punched her first boyfriend for cheating on her._ _She had no control over it, it was just a reaction to what had just occurred, like a child cries after being stung by a wasp. Ros fell asleep to the sound of her tears and the last thing she remembered was the excruciating pain in her toes as her senses came back._

They sat in silence, shocked at what they had just read. It never crossed their minds that it would be that horrific, that inhumane. Tears cascaded from the females' eyes whilst anger flashed in Harry's. He was angry that she hadn't been able to tell anyone, that she had probably lied in her statement about the full nature of the attack, and that the man who had done this to her was still alive. Harry stood up and the women followed suit.

"It wasn't rape, it was torture," he stated quietly.

"And she tried to go through it alone. How could we not see?" Ruth murmured.

"It's amazing how effective make up and pain relief can be in the hands of a stoic…We should go and check on her" Juliet led them upstairs to Ros' new room and gently knocked on the door. When there was no answer, she slowly opened it and they were met with the sight of Ros sobbing quietly on the bedroom floor, unaware of their presence.

"Ros," Ruth began "Would you like…"

"You k-know don't you?"

"We know what happened" Harry answered.

"I couldn't save…I c-couldn't do…I could f-feel _everything_ but there was _nothing_. Trapped, you know? Like in a box o-or a cage"

"We'll get some therapy. We had no idea it was that bad Rosalind" Juliet assured her. Harry pulled Ros into a sitting position and held her there; Ruth joined him.

"You know I had my first scan today Ruth. I forgot…No that's a lie I didn't forget. I just didn't tell anyone, except Wes because he wanted to see the scan. But you know that already" she pulled a creased photo from under the bed and handed it to Ruth. "There, do you see it? Wes said it looked like a pea. Pea. Better name than _it…_And I live with Juliet. It's strange but she's the closest thing to family I have, you all are…" she muttered sleepily.

"Really? And where are we in this family?" They asked, grateful for a slight change in subject matter.

"Well, Ruth and Harry are the parent figures, Juliet's the strict aunt, Malcolm's the wise eldest sibling, Adam is the renegade older brother, Zaf and Jo are the younger siblings…"

"And you are…?" They gently asked, preparing themselves for bad news.

"Me? I don't know who I am anymore…" she sighed before falling asleep in their warm embrace, exhausted from the memories. Juliet indicated for them to leave and they did so, she didn't want them to see Ros experience the full extent of her night terrors. Moments after they had left, Ros bolted up and began to shriek. All Juliet could do was hold her tight as she rode it out. Eventually Ros came round and the night terror was over. She lay breathless in Juliet's arms, who had to be careful for at this stage a simple movement could set of another attack. Ros fell asleep again and Juliet laid her gently down. Juliet lifted Ros' shirt up her back and traced the fine ridges, which criss-crossed over her back. The penance for her father's sins.


	8. Goodbye

When Ros woke up, the house was empty. It depressed her to think that she was all alone albeit temporarily. She knew her friends were trying to support her as best they could, but the debilitating fear was still there as the metaphorical elephant in the corner that was her life. Ros knew it was selfish, but it frustrated her that they didn't really have understanding, just a higher sense of knowledge. It didn't help that Ros also harboured some resentment towards Ruth, she was jealous that Ruth was able to embrace the full experience of pregnancy with joy. Ros felt that whenever anyone saw her they didn't see her pregnant state; they saw what happened that night. The feeling tore at her being so much that she decided to keep the matter as private as she could, going to all her appointments alone. She did, however, keep a meticulous record of all scans and measurements in a leather bound book. Ros had decided to start the baby book after her first encounter with Wes. The book not only contained her scans, but also pictures of herself as an infant and in the current stages of her pregnancy. There were plans for the nursery, knitting patterns she had compiled for 'pea', and gender specific lists of names; the book had a juvenile air about it, but it was one Ros' emotional crutches that she was proud of. Ros caught sight of herself in the mirror and gazed in awe at her bump. Ruth had been encouraging her to maternity clothes, and at 6 months, Ros could see that the woman was right. The thought scared her; she was pregnant and unprepared. In 12 weeks, she was going to have to care for a child, a role in which emotional instability was not allowed. Her trance was broken by the sound of the doorbell. Ros pulled on her robe and headed slowly down the stairs, trying to quell her upcoming nausea. Whoever it was could wait unless they wanted fresh vomit all over them. Ros opened the door and nearly collapsed at the sight.

"Hello Rosalind, your friend misjudged the distance between here and Timbuktu"

It was Robert.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice laced with fear.

"You're pregnant?" Robert almost sounded surprised. "Who's the father?"

"Don't…you know there was no one else…" her voice was barely audible.

"I did that to you?" Ros couldn't tell if he was ashamed or proud.

"You've done a lot worse than merely getting me pregnant" Robert flinched at her words.

"Are you going to let me in?"

"No"

"But it's raining"

"I don't care" she replied coldly.

"I just want to talk…"

"If you really want to talk, talk now." Ros was visibly shaking.

"I didn't mean…I didn't mean to hurt you"

"Raping someone tends to hurt their feelings" her words were harsh.

"Don't say it like that!"

"How am I suppose to say it? Because from where I'm standing, that's the only word to describe what you did to me. It was torture, it's torture for anyone who has to suffer that kind of abuse…"

"I want us to be like we were before"

"We can't. You don't go back after that" Robert saw that she looked defeated in his presence and he averted his gaze to avoid the pain.

"I still love you Rosalind," he whispered.

"I know. I never stopped loving you either; you were like a brother to me. And I have this overwhelming fear that I'll forgive you one day, but not now"

"I'm sorry, I really am" Ros was unnerved at how upset he sounded.

"I'm just not sure I believe you. It should never have happened"

"I know, but…"

"There are no excuses!" she snapped. "There was a line and you crossed it. You can't come back. I think you should leave now"

"You know that you're the only person I'll ever miss when this is gone…" he gestured around.

"I'll miss the old Robert, the one who died that night."

Ros closed the door and when she was sure she was alone, she let out her first sob. She had seen the Robert who had attacked her that night; not the Robert who held remorse for what he did, not the Robert who would've pleaded guilty, not the one who was apologising, not the kind, sweet Robert that she had idolised since before she could remember. The problem was that she knew she couldn't forgive him. Not now, not ever. If her had really loved her, he wouldn't have crossed that line and they both knew that deep down. Therefore, Ros wasn't surprised a week later when she read the obituary announcing his death; he had hung himself. Like Father, like Son. And she felt a pang of disappointment in her heart because the Robert she loved was gone and lost forever, and she knew he was nothing like his father. He was better.


	9. The Best

Saturday morning had arrived and Ros had just been hit by her worst bout of morning sickness. She clung to the toilet bowl, asking herself what on earth had brought this on. She retched again and was mildly shocked by the presence of a warm hand rubbing her back. There had been an unspoken rule surrounding Ros' pregnancy: one didn't speak of it. Ros had decided that this subject should be focussed on Ruth, and Ruth alone. Harry had watched with much sympathy at Ros' stoic approach to her side effects on the grid. At first, they had thought she had gone into denial, but Ros explained that her sickness usually came at around two in the morning. Therefore, the only thing she was suffering from was fatigue and paperwork could do that to a spook anyway. However, today was not the same. Ros heaved for one final time and emptied the contents of her stomach.

"Oh god…" she moaned, flushing the toilet "Take it away…."

"Take what away?"

"Take the goddamn coffee away…" she retched.

"Sorry, is that better?" Juliet asked, pouring the drink in the sink.

"No…what time is it?"

"9:30, everyone's coming at half one so don't worry" she jumped back as Ros threw up again.

"That's nice…" Ros wiped her mouth and flushed the toilet again "I'm going to get some toast and water now…" She wandered down to the kitchen. Juliet shook her head in disbelief. She knew that her morning sickness had gotten later and she wondered how Ros was going to cope with this new factor at the grid.

"Make it stop Harry…" Ruth moaned as she threw up in the bowl.

"I can't, I wish I could…"

"Just shut up and get me some water," she snapped. Ruth had started to get some serious mood swings and the rest of the team had been shocked to see the once kind Ruth deliver lines so cold the ice queen herself would've shivered. Harry returned with the water, and Ruth took a sip and brushed her teeth.

"Thank you…I haven't been sick in ages...Did you get breakfast?" Harry produced a tub of Hagen Daas and a jar of artichokes.

"Only the best for the mother to be"

"Oh Harry you saviour!" The cravings were also something they hadn't quite managed to get used to. Harry felt sorry for the team really, dealing with two pregnant women at the same time, especially if one of them didn't want you to acknowledge her pregnancy.

The baby shower Ros had planned for Ruth was going perfectly. Harry and Ruth had been inundated with gifts: stuffed bears, bibs, baby monitors, mobiles, blankets, babygrows and a killer pair of high heels (from Ros). They were also lucky that Ruth was having an August baby and was due any moment now. Ros took advantage of the hot summer weather by holding a garden party. The air was warm and there was a sleepy atmosphere surrounding the group of friends. The sun was setting and cast golden hues on the foliage in Juliet's immaculate garden. Music was coming from the speakers, filling the space and gave the sense that they were secluded in their own private paradise. Ruth found Ros sitting under the arbour, hidden from the view of the others. Juliet had told her that Ros often went there to think and that most of the time, the thoughts were not good. Ruth sat down and let out a deep breath.

"Are you alright?" Ros asked. Ruth was surprised, that was going to be her question.

"I'm having a great time. The party's brilliant! How are you?"

"I'm fine, a little tired, but I'm fine"

"You do know that's the most common lie in the world"

"I'll have to get a new one then," she laughed weakly.

"So really, how are you?" Ruth asked again, concern in her voice.

"It's funny, but I miss him"

"Who?"

"Robert. He wasn't always like that. He was kind and sweet…He was a good man"

"He _was_. The man who died was different"

"Ruth, I want you to promise me something"

"It depends…"

"It doesn't depend. You have to promise me"

"Promise you what?"

"I need you to take Pea"

"I'm sorry, but I can't"

"Why not? You're the best mum I've seen!"

"You're just scared"

"I am. I'm scared, and I know I can't do this. Ruth, I can't do this alone"

"You can and you will. And if worse comes to worse, you have us to fall back on"

"I don't want to fall back on anyone. I want to be me again"

"It's awful, but you can't go back. Believe me, I wish you could, I really wish you could"

"He said he was sorry and I didn't believe him. Should I have believed him?"

"Believing and forgiving are two different things"

"Then I think I believe him…Go back to your party"

"Ros?"

"I'll be fine. I always am"

"See you in a minute"

"Yeah" but her heart seemed somewhere else, lost in the past.

An hour later, Ros' mood had completely changed. Her hair was down and she seemed to so much more _alive_ with her locks flowing freely round her shoulders as Zaf span her round and round in time to the music. The song stopped and she became immersed in a conversation with Wes.

"So, have you and James made up?"

"Yeah! We're going to the football next week!"

"That's good," Ros chuckled "Here, I almost forgot!" She handed him her most recent scan.

"Wow, Pea's so big! Is Pea a boy or a girl?"

"I don't know," she answered truthfully.

"I want it to be a girl"

"Why?"

"Because I wanted a little sister but then mummy went away"

"So you want to be like a big brother to Pea?"

"Not just any big brother, the bestest"

"I'm sure you will be. Ooh!" Ros exclaimed.

"What's wrong?" she was touched by the concern in the little boy's voice.

"Pea kicked. Would you like to feel?" she offered. Wes giggled each time he felt a kick. He leant his head in close and whispered to the rather large bump.

"Hello Pea, I'm Wes. I'm like your big brother only better. Oh, and please be a girl"

Ros went over to the happy couple with a tired Wes trailing behind. Harry picked him up and the child promptly fell asleep. The two women began to sway slightly from fatigue and Harry began to smile. The smile waned slightly when he saw the edge appear in the blonde woman's eyes. For a moment he had forgotten how great Ros' fear of sleep had become. He held back a protest as she took Wes from his arms and carried him into the house, all without a word. Harry and Ruth watched her retreated figure.

"Three more months" Ruth commented.

"I know"

"She wanted us to have the baby. I said no and she looked crushed"

"Robert's death must've been hard on her"

"She says she misses him"

"And you think he doesn't deserve it"

"Harry, you know me too well"

"She looked up to him all her life. She's bound to feel something"

"…A wonderful party she organized though"

"Mmm, and her gift was so thoughtful. Do you like them?"

"The shoes are gorgeous and it was nice to have something for me"

"Well, if we go home now I have a surprise for you"

The surprise came three hours later when Ruth went into labour. And for once, she didn't mind about it being all about the baby. The labour was long, and Harry was threatened several times about his 'stupidity'. Finally, the wait was over and the couple held their handsome baby boy. Harry's face was wet with tears. He was a father again and only now did the fact hit him, and it was a wonderful feeling.

"What shall we call him?" he whispered.

"Henry, like his father" she announced.

"I like it. A good strong name"

Their moment was broken by a soft tap at the door. It was the team there to offer their congratulations. Ros loitered in the corner, uncomfortable with the scene, her envy bubbling to the surface. What had she done that was so bad? Why, in 3 months time would she give birth alone with no loving husband to welcome her child into the world? Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her name.

"Yes?" she responded, semi aware of her surroundings.

"Would you like to hold him?"

"Are you sure?" her voice high with nerves.

"Of course. Everyone else has said hello"

"Alright," Ros conceded, taking the newborn in her arms "Hello Henry. Welcome to the world. It's a nice place most of the time."

Henry moved and Ros felt her body tense, she took a deep breath and handed the child back to his mother. Ros thought she knew then that she wouldn't be able to care for her own child. The doubts had crept back in and were too strong for her to push away. She knew with a sad dull pain in her heart that Ruth was a better mother. Ros knew that after the nature of its conception, little Pea deserved the best. Sadly, Rosalind Meyers didn't believe it was her.


	10. Happen Like This

**Okay, timeline is a bit dodgy...key thing is baby is born october 13th**

* * *

Ruth tried to contain her excitement at the idea of going baby shopping with Ros. She had loved the whole experience with Henry and she couldn't wait to get more things for her little boy. To be honest, both her and Harry were slightly surprised at how messy a 2 month old baby could be. They would definitely need more clothes if Ruth wasn't going to spend all her time washing babygrows. Ruth smiled as she answered the door to a glowing Ros dressed in a black woollen maternity frock and ballet pumps. It was somewhat soothing to know that Ros was now allowing them to acknowledge her pregnancy. Until now, the only person she discussed her pregnancy with had been Wes. He received copies of all the ultrasounds and knew when all the scans were; he even knew the due date, 31st October. The team had found it slightly embarrassing to gain snippets of information on the well being of their friend from an 8 year old. But Ros had never sworn him to secrecy and they came to realise that this was her way of telling them what was going on, in the only way that was least emotional for her.

"Are you ready to go?" the voice brought Ruth out of her thoughts.

"Yeah. Come on, let's get you ready for that baby" Ros shyly pulled the baby book from her bag and handed it to Ruth who began to flick through it.

"There are a few lists" Ros muttered.

"It's beautiful…You did this by yourself?"

"It helps me cope. I thought we could get all the big things now, I still have a few weeks so the clothes can be gotten later"

"Well then, I know this lovely little place where I got all of Henry's things"

"Fine" Ros didn't really know what else to say as she was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of maternal inadequacy. She hated the fact that her self-esteem was so unstable, that at two in the morning she would be blindsided by all her fears and worries. Ruth gave another wistful look at Ros' work.

"You know, this is stunning. I wish I'd done the same for Henry"

A smile tugged at the corners of Ros' mouth; maybe she wasn't so inadequate after all. Ros found the whole experience of shopping rather dull. She couldn't understand all the fuss over so many different car seats when a) she didn't really have a car anymore, and b) all the baby would do in it was sleep. And then they were the slings, the highchairs, sterilzers, changing mats, mobiles, blankets, prams (Although Ros had to admit that she loved the prams), the list went on and on. Ros was trying her best but she couldn't really see the point. She was a practical woman and that practicality had enabled her survival. Ros sighed in frustration.

"I don't see why I just can't pick the first one!"

"Because that's just not how it works. Anyway, this is the last thing on the list"

"Well hurry up. I've only got a half-day. Have to be back on the grid in 4 hours" Ros made a small grimace at the dull pain in her stomach. It had been plaguing her for about 2 hours and she had put it down to her food. Ros knew Anchovies, Crème Egg and Cookie Dough ice cream wasn't the best breakfast in the world but it tasted so good!

The team burst out laughing when Ros and Ruth returned from their shopping trip. It was obvious that the latter had gotten carried away. Adam remembered when Wes had insisted that they get Ros' present. After much deliberation (and arguing) the two had decided to get a gorgeous ice blue dress shirt (Adam) and a pink babygrow with the slogan 'Peas on Earth' (Wes still insisted the baby was a girl). The two women unloaded the bags in Harry's office and flopped into their respected seats with a sigh.

"So the shopping was good then?" inquired Zaf with a boyish charm.

"How it takes an hour to pick a changing mat, I'll never know"

"Come off it Ros! You were so excited about the pram!"

"Perambulator, and it was beautiful. Oh, you should see it! The stone grey hood, the chrome chassis, the wheels, the handle…" Ros trailed off wistfully.

"So where is it then?"

"In Harry's office. We got through the adapted pod" Ros sing-songed.

"Jo's gonna be so annoyed…looking after Henry or seeing a freaky pram?" Ruth hit Zaf playfully.

"Luckily she has her priorities right which is more than I can say for you" Although Ruth knew that Jo would be slightly miffed at the fact that she missed Ros showing what can only be called excitement, even though at first, Ruth thought the woman was having a heart attack.

Ros heard the heavy clunking sound and knew that it wasn't good. The rest of the team had just left and her, Harry and Ruth were sorting through the shopping when it happened. It also didn't help that the pain in her abdomen had gotten slightly worse and she could no longer put it down to food, it was most probably Braxton Hicks.

"So you're in labour?" Harry exclaimed.

"No, I'm not in labour. I think I would know if I was in labour. It's not as if my waters have bro-" there was a small gasp and Harry's £900 settee was no longer worth £900 "I think I'm in labour"

"And that's the sound of incredulous laughter being stifled"

"Harry, that's not helpful! Go and see how long this will take…Ros, how long?" Ruth scolded.

"Hmm…about 9 hours now" she breathed in deeply.

"Okay…how far apart are the contractions?"

"10-15 minutes?" She breathed out.

"_Shit_…okay, well we'll probably be out by…"

"By what? By what?!"

"By the time the baby comes" Harry entered a few minutes later.

"6-8 hours. We have time don't we?"

"What!" Ros shrieked "Oh God…Oh God…I'm going to give birth on the Grid…My baby will be born on the Grid…Karma hates me…I was going to give birth in a hospital. A nice clean sanitary hospital" Ros grunted as another contraction hit her. Harry looked at his watch; they were getting closer. Two hours had passed and the contractions were now two minutes apart. Harry's settee was now covered in towels from the shower room and there was a bowl of hot water.

"Ros, they're very close now. We have to see how dilated you are"

"Fuck off…You're taking the piss" She snarled through gritted teeth.

"I'm not, I have to check"

"Fuck off Harry"

"I was in the army, I'm trained in this!"

"Ruth was pregnant; pregnancy trumps army"

"Don't be ridiculous Rosalind!"

"I am in labour. I am trying to push something the size of a watermelon out of me. I am not in a hospital. I have no pain relief. So in my emotional and illogical mind; pregnancy trumps army. And you agree, don't you?"

"Go Harry. We'll call if we need you" As soon as the door shut, Ruth checked. Ros was 10cm dilated; she would have to push now. Ros burst into tears.

"I can't do this Ruth, I can't"

"Yes you can. Trust me, just push again"

"I'm scared. I'm really scared. This is not what it should be like. You and Harry should be at home with your son."

"We would've been locked I either way. At least now I have something to do." She joked half-heartedly.

"I am so sorry"

"What for?" Ruth asked, puzzled.

"Pregnancy was meant to be your special moment"

"And it was. You allowed me to have all the attention"

"I was ashamed. Was I wrong to be ashamed? I just couldn't bear it…The pity, there would've always been pity. I'm glad I wasn't a nuisance"

"After all you've been through, no one would've minded if you were"

"I'm still scared. Things weren't supposed to happen like this. I was told all my life I was scared, I only joined the service to prove that I wasn't. And then I came here and for the tiniest moment I wasn't and then BAM! My life was ripped apart. No, things weren't supposed to happen like this…"

"I know, and it's not fair. It's not fair at all. But you're surviving aren't you? And you can do this, you know you can. Come on Ros, one last push"

"No, I can't. Not anymore, I can't"

"Yes you can, just one more p-"

Ros let a solitary cry as she brought her child into the world. Harry burst into the office.

"Harry! Look, Harry! Isn't it beautiful?" Ruth couldn't contain her emotions as she handed the child over to its mother.

"Just like you and Henry were…Rosalind Meyers, meet your daughter" Harry whispered.

They smiled at the sight of the mother and child together, and the smile that was etched on the blonde woman's tired face. She was happy; Rosalind Meyers had found joy again, and it came in the form of another human being. Ros recalled that awful storm-driven night 9 months ago and she was glad hadn't jumped, glad that Juliet and her friends had pulled her back from that dark and lonely edge.


	11. Falling In Love

"Ssh Pea, come on, be a good girl for mummy" Ros pleaded as the incessant crying slowly began to break her. She would've promised to kill Adam if she could but she knew it wasn't his fault. After all, how could he have known that when he called and woke up Pea, Ros had just gotten her down after two hours of trying? She was now glad that she had agreed to go out for a drink this evening; she was sure going to need some intelligent conversation after today. The persistent banging on the front door was added to the cries and Ros thought she was going to snap. She flung open the door and paled at the sight.

"Hello Rosalind" the woman greeted in cool, clipped tones. It was Robert's mother.

"_Ms _Collingwood" Ros replied in an equal tone. Pea's wails got louder due to the presence of the stranger.

"You do know you shouldn't leave her to cry like that"

"I never intended to" she said through gritted teeth. Ms Collingwood breezed past her and into the living room. "I don't recall your father buying this house"

"He didn't. I'm staying with a friend"

"And your previous residence?"

"I sold it"

"Lawyer's fees?" the old woman gave her a look of pity.

"I need more space and support for when Penelope arrived" she answered, anger rising within each syllable.

"And your friend? Is he well?"

"_She's_ fine"

"She?"

"Yes. My pregnancy was difficult and she was there as a friend"

"You know Rosalind, I'm actually quite proud of you"

"Pardon?" Ros raised her eyebrow in scathing disbelief.

"You actually managed to wait until 34 to get knocked up, as opposed to 14"

"What!" Ros couldn't no longer mask her anger and the sudden noise startled Pea.

"It was just a shame my poor son was involved"

"Your poor son?" Ros scoffed. The woman's eyes lit up with anger.

"I know all about your sordid affair and I found it extremely spiteful that you went to the police when it finished. You destroyed my family"

"Your family destroyed Rosalind's life" Juliet's voice cut in and she placed herself between the sparring women. "But it's easier for you to blame the victim isn't it?"

"Please, she would've fought back if-"

"The paralytic your son gave her might've been a problem"

"He wouldn't, he's…"

"A Collingwood? Please, even the Myers have a damn sight more nobility than you could ever hope for. Rosalind show her your back"

"Juliet" Ros pleaded softly.

"She thinks you're a liar"

"Yes, enlighten me"

Ros pulled up her top and the old woman gasped.

"This shouldn't be about blame…I just want to see my granddaughter"

"You relinquished that right when you raised your son to be an animal" Juliet spat without mercy.

"What if she asks?"

"She won't" Ros whispered "She has all the family she needs right here"

"I think best if you leave" Juliet indicated to the front door. Ms Collingwood said nothing whilst she walked away, knowing she would never see her granddaughter again. Juliet let out a sigh and sat down next to Ros on the sofa.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, she was always a bitch"

"Still going out tonight?"

"If it's fine by you"

"Of course. Drink?"

"Yes please"

"Tea? Coffee?"

"Scotch?" Ros joked.

Ros was having serious regrets about going out. She hadn't been out with her friends since that night and although nearly every fibre in her being was telling her she wasn't ready, she still agreed to go. And now she was sitting next to Ruth, both women fretting about their respective children. They had both promised not to bring up that subject and Juliet was perfectly capable of looking after a five month old baby and a two-month-old baby. It was her brother they didn't trust.

"Henry?" Ros asked tentatively.

"Pea? Don't worry, I checked and they're both fine" she laughed.

"I never thought I'd be so…"

"Motherly? She's all you've got"

"I'm all she's got…I haven't been out…in ages"

"It's bound to be a bit weird. How about you get us a round of orange juices?"

"Sure, might even meet someone" she joked weakly. She passed Zaf on the way to the bar.

When he sat down, he angled himself so he'd always have an eye on her situation at the bar. He was grateful for his idea when he saw Ros running out of the bar after being harassed by a persistent male. Zaf made a quick excuse that was swallowed easily and followed the blonde outside. The cool night air did nothing to calm her mind nor pacify her erratic breathing. Ros clung to the brick wall for support, her world spinning due to the lack of oxygen. She was vaguely aware of someone taking a firm grip on her arm and leading her to some steps. Ros felt her breathing return to normal due to the paper bag that was somehow covering her mouth.

"You alright?" Zaf asked wit deep concern.

"Yeah…what happened?" her voice was weak and shaky.

"You had another panic attack"

"Zaf…"

"It's okay to have them Ros"

"I'm sorry" Ros managed to whisper before bursting into tears. Zaf was caught off guard. He felt uncomfortable, Ros hadn't cried since…. He didn't want to think about the reason for her tears; he just wanted to make them stop. It didn't help that it had started to rain and they were absolutely soaked. He pulled Ros close to him for comfort, her forehead resting on his. And all of a sudden, Zaf was struck and he realised _this_ was what it was like to fall in love. He didn't know what on earth had possessed him in those gleaming blue eyes of hers but he leant in and captured her mouth in his. He was about to pull away and apologise when he felt her mouth open, inviting him. Ros tasted of mint and tears, and Zaf was surprised at how soft and delicate her mouth felt beneath his lips. He'd always expected her to be firm; strong even after everything she had been through. The need for air now overwhelming the need to stay connected, they broke apart breathless. Zaf gently brushed her hair away and grinned at the soft smile that now adorned Ros' face. Her hand had come to rest on his shoulder and never left that spot. Zaf took a deep breath, determined to get in first.

"Look I know this might be too soon-"

"It's not"

"W-What?"

"It's not too soon. I trust you. It's going to be hard but I trust you. We just have to…"

"Move things along slowly?" he finished "Babe, take all the time in the world"

Zaf helped her to her feet but she was still unsteady and had to lean on Zaf to keep upright.

"God…My head…" she complained.

"Come on, let's get you home" Zaf put his jacket round her when he saw that she was shivering and bundled her into a black cab. Ros rested her head on his lap and curled into a ball.

"We don't have to tell anyone do we?"

"Not if you don't want to?"

"Good. And this is definitely something?"

"Yes this is definitely something. Alright Ros?"

Ros didn't answer; she had already fallen asleep with the soothing sensation of Zaf's fingers running through her hair. When the cab pulled to a stop outside Juliet's he scooped her up into his arms, navigated through her purse and entered the townhouse as silently as he could. Juliet was catching a brief respite before Pea's next feed. Zaf carefully laid Ros down in her bed and draped a blanket over her. She was smiling and Zaf wondered if it was about him. He wrote a brief note, left it on her desk and headed back to the party.

And for the first time in nearly a year, Ros slept the whole night through.


	12. Back For Good

_**Hot Drink Rating: 1**

* * *

_

"_Are you alright Ros?" he whispered earnestly, hovering just above her._

"_I'm fine" _

"_Really?"_

"_Really" There was a slight waver in her voice, which only she could recognise. Truth be told, she was far from okay. But she convinced herself that she was ready, and a part of her was. She really cared for Zaf and all she wanted to do was make him happy. She softened under his gentle whisperings and mewed at his expert strokes. It was only when he entered that they began, the tears. And try as she might, there was nothing she could do to stop them. Zaf noticed when he leant into kiss her and tasted salt, his fingers graced her cheeks and felt the cold wetness they had left behind._

"_You're crying…" he gasped in horror._

_Ros said nothing for she was now sobbing openly._

"_My God, you're crying…" he pulled out and hastily grabbed his clothes._

"_Zaf…."_

"_I can't do this right now, I can't!"_

"_Zaf it's not what it seems like!" she pleaded with him, the desperation evident in her voice._

"_Ros, you didn't…you didn't have to lie to me" he whispered, closing the door behind him._

Three weeks had passed since that incident and the fallout could easily be seen on the grid. None of the analysts dared go near him for fear of being in the receiving end of his foul temper. Adam decided enough was enough when the tea girl ran past him in tears and he made his way over to his desk. Adam gave a cheeky grin, which went unnoticed due to the fact that his face was in his hands.

"You alright mate?"

"Do I look alright to you?" Zaf snapped.

"No. What happened?"

"Ros and I had…had a fight"

"Really? What about?"

"It doesn't matter now…"

"Look mate, Fiona and I used to fight all the time"

"Not like this. Not about sex" he whispered.

"Oh…So…"

"It was going to be our first time and I knew she was bound to be nervous. I reassured her and we…y'know…and then she started crying"

"Crying?"

"Sobbing, but she kept on telling on telling me it was okay, but I couldn't coz I…"

"Didn't want to be like _him_" Adam finished. "Yeah, well you're not and Ros doesn't see you like that. God, you're such a prick"

"What? Why?"

"You left. I propose you buy flowers, chocolate, shoes and give her one hell of an apology."

"Thanks mate" said Zaf cracking his first smile in 504 hours before leaving the grid to do some serious making up.

Zaf trawled the west end looking for the perfect "forgive me" gifts. He'd found a little chocolatier where he bought a heart shaped box of white chocolates (Her favourites) tied with a bright pink ribbon. He knew Ros secretly loved the classic love movies and had always wanted someone to dazzle her with a heart shaped box of chocolates. Today was the day; Zaf was going to fulfil her wish. He then went in search of the perfect flowers which were to be delivered with the chocolates ASAP. He searched through all the florists until he found an arrangement of hothouse carnations surrounded by white lilies, they reminded him of Ros; cold on the outside, warm on the inside. Zaf sent them off with a cryptic message and the address of a posh hotel room. To his surprise, the shoes were the easiest to find. They were a pair of 4-inch stilettos, rounded toe, in blood red silk. They oozed sophistication and sexy. Zaf had to take mental cold shower to shake the image of Ros wearing them, and nothing else. So he was about to make his way home when he saw his one hell of an apology. He darted into the shop and emerged 45 minutes later with a grin as wide as the Nile on his face. Zaf rushed home and as soon as he found the two pieces of equipment he was looking for in Jo's room, he headed straight to the hotel. He decided that he actually looking forward to giving this apology.

It was 9:30 and Rosalind Myers found herself standing outside the Holborn Hotel. Her hands were shaking and she cursed herself for being so nervous. She was confused about his choice of location. Perhaps he wanted a neutral territory for their discussion; perhaps he wanted to dump her. After all, she was damaged goods and how can you love someone who can barely love themselves? She pushed these doubts aside and huskily asked for the room key. Upon entering the room, she was mildly shocked to find it empty. Ros carefully hung her coat on a nearby chair and gazed down at London from her position by the window. London, the city that never stops even when on the brink of disaster. She stiffened when she heard the Take That track.

_Got a fist of pure emotion, got a head of shattered dreams…_

Ros felt a tear trail down her cheek at the words.

_Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now…_

She turned round slowly and nearly cried at the sight.

_Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn't mean it…_

It was Zaf. He was stood by the edge of the bed, swaying gentling to the music while shrugging his jacket from his shoulders.

_I just want you back for good…_

He made a small lassoing movement before the jacket landed by her feet. Ros suppressed a laugh and sat down. If this was his apology she wasn't complaining.

_Whenever I'm wrong, just tell me the song and I'll sing it…_

Zaf slowly undid his tie and trailed it down his body before throwing to Ros, who caught it instinctively.

_You'll be right and understood…_

Ros gave a small squeal of pleasure when Zaf removed his shirt. She held it against her cheek, merely inhaling the scent that she had sorely missed.

_I want you back for good…_

He paused for a moment teasing her and smiled when he saw the pout that he'd desperately been wishing to see for the past 3 weeks.

_In the twist of separation you excelled at being free…_

Ros' heart skipped a beat when she saw his smile. Not his grin but his soft, genuine, loving smile; and it was for her.

_Can't you find a little room inside for me?…_

Zaf saw the fear of desertion deep within her eyes and promised himself there and then that he would never leave her. Because she was the one. She wasn't perfect, but she was brave, and loyal, and she needed him just as much as he needed her.

_Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn't mean it…_

Zaf's belt now lay curled by her ankles.

_I just want you back for good…_

He beckoned to her and Ros couldn't help but oblige.

_Whenever I'm wrong, just tell me the song and I'll sing it…_

Zaf clasped her hands tightly, never wanting to let her go.

_You'll be right and understood…_

Ros felt there bodies moving closer together in sync and this time she didn't need to convince herself that she was fine. She kissed him passionately before slipping out of her dress.

_And we'll be together…_

Zaf welcomed this gesture and pulled her onto the bed with him. He left a trail of hot kisses down her exposed body then moved back up to meet her eyes.

_This time is forever…_

Ros looked directly back and stroked his biceps. It was okay; with one look she told him that everything would be okay.

_Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn't mean it…_

And when he entered it wasn't like before, with each movement all her fears seemed to ebb away.

_I just want you back for good…_

Zaf apprehension flew out the window. All he could think of was his family: Ros, himself and Pea. He was almost sent to the brink of euphoria when he saw that the sentiment was echoed in Ros.

_Whenever I'm wrong, just tell me song and I'll sing it…_

Ros wrapped her arms and legs around his muscular body in order to get closer to him.

_You'll be right and understood…_

Zaf realised that this night wasn't about sex. It was about intimacy and trust and was going to do all he could to make her feel those things. He whispered sweet nothings in her ear and gave her his special smile when they climaxed in unison.

_I guess now it's time, that you came back for good…_

Ros felt Zaf wrap his arm round her slender waist and turned to face him. He had a lazy smile on his face and it pleased her to know that she probably had the same expression. She couldn't help but shiver when his hands traced the scars across her back. Ros tried to turn her head but Zaf stopped her, his eyes burning into hers.

"No one will ever hurt you again, I promise" he whispered and Ros noticed that his eyes were wet with tears.

"I know" There was a silence which neither chose to break for several minutes.

"Ros?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you. I mean really love you, and Pea. And I was thinking…"

"Go on"

"I'd like to adopt her…I want to be a family coz you're my girls and I love you to death"

"For what it's worth we love you to death too" she affectionately pecked him on the nose. Zaf couldn't help but grin at the acceptance of his idea. The couple lay there in peaceful silence for an hour, Zaf tracing idle patterns on her stomach. Ros shifted closer and gave him one of her rare smiles.

"Zaf?" she looked up at him with raw emotion in her eyes.

"Babe?" his eyes stared back at her, laced with concern.

"Thank you" she fluttered her eyelids, exhaustion taking a hold of her senses.

"What for?"

"For fixing me" she sighed before falling asleep in his warm, loving embrace. Zaf absent-mindedly stroked her hair and gazed down at the vulnerable creature before him. Ros had come a long way in two years and overcome a hell of a lot, but she had gotten there in the end. And that was what mattered to all of them wasn't it? She hadn't been murdered by Robert, she hadn't jumped off the bridge, she didn't give up after the court case, she carried Pea with dignity, she gave birth in the grid, she reconciled with her mother, she stood up to the Collingwoods, she overcame her fears, and most important she found she had a family and was able to be loved and cared for. Zaf kissed her softly on the lips.

"Miss Myers, the pleasure was all mine" he sighed, before falling asleep himself.

Tomorrow, Rosalind Myers would wake up due to the soft rays of morning light teasing her eyelids open, she look down and no longer see the ruined sheets that had plagued her soul. No, Rosalind Myers would see the warm muscular body of the man she loved. The man who had answered her cry, _Fix Me_.

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**Hope you enjoyed this fic, please review!!!!**


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